Unbelievable Luxury? Collection O Phalka Bazaar Gwalior (Ex-Bliv) Will SHOCK You!
Unbelievable Luxury? Collection O Phalka Bazaar Gwalior: My Brain Just Exploded (in a Good Way… Mostly)
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because I just survived… I mean, experienced a stay at the Collection O Phalka Bazaar Gwalior (formerly Bliv), and let me tell you, the "Unbelievable Luxury?" in the name isn't just clickbait. It's… well, it's a lot. And shock? Oh honey, you'll be in shock alright. Prepare yourself for a rollercoaster, because this review is going to be as messy and unpredictable as my luggage after a long flight.
First Impressions: The Good, the Bad, and the Seriously Confused
Finding the place? Easier said than done, especially if you’re me and have the navigational skills of a particularly lost pigeon. Accessibility: Now, they claim to be accessible. There's an Elevator, and that's a huge plus. But maneuvering the halls with a suitcase? Let's just say I earned myself a new respect for my quads.
The entrance? Grand, yeah. But the first thing that hit me wasn't the architecture, it was the… temperature. Apparently, the AC in the lobby was on a mission to replicate the arctic. Brrr! I quickly grabbed a complimentary bottle of water (thank goodness for that!), and started trying to thaw out.
Then, the check-in. Check-in/out [express] and Check-in/out [private] are listed, and truthfully, it could've used something in between. It wasn't slow, but it wasn't exactly lightning fast either. The staff were incredibly polite, though, and the concierge was fantastic. Seriously, that guy should get a medal. He recommended a local restaurant that served the best Biryani of my life!
Rooms: My Sanctuary, My Prison, Mostly My Sanctuary
The room? Okay, so non-smoking rooms are standard, thank goodness. My room had a window that opens (hallelujah for fresh air!), a desk to work from (essential for me, a notorious workaholic), and a safe box (always a plus). Air conditioning was on, and blackout curtains were present and glorious. I needed the blackout curtains. The bed… oh, the bed. Extra long bed! I'm a tall person! Thank the gods! The bathrobes felt like I was wrapped in a cloud. Seriously, the bathrobes were the single best thing about the room. And the complimentary tea and coffee maker? Pure bliss.
But here's where the "shock" kicks in. The bathroom… the mirror was slightly tilted. And, okay, the tiles weren't exactly spotless and some of the bathrooms were slightly outdated, which added to the charm somehow, right? My overall impression was, they’re nice, but they’re not perfect. The shower pressure was a little weak, as it usually is, but towels were nice. Still an okay room.
Let's Talk Amenities: Spa Days and Stomachaches
This is where things get… intense.
Things to do, ways to relax: The Spa is a thing of beauty. I needed a massage. The sauna, which I'm reliably told gets very steamy, tempted me to get sweaty, even tho it's not usually my scene. The pool with a view has views! A Swimming pool (another good thing!). The whole place is designed for ultimate relaxation.
The Gym/fitness is there, also, which is great for those of you who have more discipline than I do. Foot bath sounded nice, but I didn't have time for it. Frankly, I was too busy relaxing or eating.
Then there's the Dining, drinking, and snacking situation. OH. MY. GOD.
Dining: Biryani Bliss and Questionable Chicken Nuggets
Okay, the Restaurants: There are multiple. The Asian cuisine in restaurant? Delicious. The Western cuisine in restaurant? Hit or miss. Breakfast [buffet] had everything you could imagine, including a vegetarian restaurant! There was even a Soup in restaurant! A Coffee/tea in restaurant was definitely needed. And the Salad in restaurant? I’m not a salad person, but I tried it!
The A la carte in restaurant was incredible. Especially the desserts in restaurant! The Poolside bar was a nice touch, even though I didn't actually use it, as I was too busy stuffing my face with… well, Asian breakfast one morning, Western breakfast on others, and everything in between. I'm pretty sure I could have gotten Room service [24-hour] if I'd wanted.
BUT and there's always a but, isn't there? One evening, I ordered Room service and the chicken nuggets tasted… questionable. I won’t go into details. The next day, there were individually wrapped food options. Hmm. Perhaps there's a Safe dining setup?
Cleanliness and Safety: The Germ-Fighting Brigade
I’m a bit of a germaphobe, so I'm always hyper-aware. The Anti-viral cleaning products made me happy. Daily disinfection in common areas? A plus. Rooms sanitized between stays? Good. Hand sanitizer everywhere? Even better. This place is definitely trying to be safe, with Staff trained in safety protocol. I felt pretty safe. However, there's no Pets allowed.
For the Kids: Babysitters and Miniature Mayhem?
Family/child friendly. The Kids facilities didn’t jump out at me, but I didn’t have kids with me (thank god). And there's a Babysitting service which is great if you do.
Internet Access and the Modern Nomad's Nightmare
Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! YAY! Internet? More like Internet access – wireless and Internet access – LAN. Honestly, it was a bit spotty at times. But Internet services are offered. However, it wasn’t the most stable. The Wi-Fi in public areas worked better, which was a relief.
Services and Conveniences: From Cash Withdrawal to Car Parking (Free!)
They offer Air conditioning in public area. Cash withdrawal is available. Concierge: 10/10. The Convenience store was there, which is always handy. Daily housekeeping was awesome. And Dry cleaning is a lifesaver. The Elevator saved my knees. The Car park [free of charge]. Hello! And they even have a Taxi service.
The Quirks and the "So Close, Yet So Far" Moments
There are little things. Additional toilet? Sometimes. On-demand movies? Maybe, if the Wi-fi cooperates… The Coffee/tea maker? Fantastic. The Coffee shop? I never found it. The Happy hour? I missed it because… chicken nuggets.
The Verdict: Worth the Hype (Mostly)
Would I stay here again? Absolutely. Despite the hiccups, the Collection O Phalka Bazaar Gwalior offers a unique experience. It's not perfect. It has its quirks. But it's trying, and often succeeds, to deliver a touch of "Unbelievable Luxury." The staff are lovely, the location is great, and the good outweighs the bad.
My Honest Rating: 4 out of 5 stars. The location. The staff. The bathrobes. The spa. The Biryani. It's all there. Make sure you pack your patience, though, and your appetite.
Alright, here's the ULTIMATE OFFER to entice you… because if I could go back, I would.
STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND BOOK NOW!
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Alright, buckle up buttercups, because we’re about to dive headfirst into the absolute charm (and potential chaos) that is Collection O Phalka Bazaar Gwalior, formerly Bliv Gwalior. Forget your meticulously planned Instagram-worthy itineraries. This is real life, baby. We’re going to get lost, we're going to sweat, and we might even have a minor existential crisis or two, all while hopefully experiencing the glorious mess that is India.
(Days are approximate – flexibility is key, people!)
Day 1: Arrival and the Existential Dread of the Hotel Room
- Morning (ish): Arrive at Gwalior Airport. The air hits you like a warm, thick blanket embroidered with dust and the faint perfume of spices. Find a taxi (negotiate the price! Always negotiate!). The drive is a blur of rickshaws, cows lounging serenely in the middle of the road, and a general sensory overload that is both terrifying and thrilling.
- Afternoon: Arrive at your hotel, formerly Bliv Gwalior. Now, the name change – Collection O… does that mean it’s fancy? I’m still unsure. The lobby looks promising enough; I hope the AC is working. Okay, the room. First impressions are vital. The bed looks solid. The bathroom… fingers crossed. (Spoiler alert: it's usually fine… unless the geyser decides to stage a protest, which is a distinct possibility in India). Settle in, attempt to unpack (procrastination is a virtue in this heat), and then… the real moment. You stare out the window. You contemplate what the heck you’re doing here. This is the point in every trip where I wonder if I’ve made a terrible mistake. Embrace the imposter syndrome. It's part of the fun!
- Late Afternoon: Armed with a vague feeling of “I should probably do something,” venture out. Get actual Chai from a street vendor – the kind that boils vigorously in a massive pot and is served in a tiny, clay cup. It's scalding hot, incredibly sweet, and the best damn chai you'll ever taste.
- Evening: Wander the Phalka Bazaar. This, my friends, is sensory overload in its purest form. The smells! The colors! The sounds! It's a cacophony of life, a beautiful, chaotic mess. Get completely and utterly lost. That's the whole point. Discover a tiny shop selling vibrant fabrics – buy something you don’t need but absolutely must have. Find a street food stall and be simultaneously terrified and thrilled to try something. I'd suggest the samosas, a delightful doughy goodness. Risk mild food poisoning in the name of adventure. Report back.
- Night: Collapse back at the hotel. The existential dread might be slightly lessened. At least you have a story to tell.
Day 2: The Fort, and The Day I Almost Died of Heatstroke & Boredom
- Morning: Decide to conquer Gwalior Fort. This is a MUST-DO. Pack water. LOTS of water. I’m not kidding. Wear sunscreen. More sunscreen. Realize you underestimated the sun and the sheer vastness of the fort. The views are spectacular, especially when you are still alive. (See: almost dying). Wander from complex to complex, admiring the architecture. Get completely and utterly lost. Again. Marvel at the intricate carvings. Feel the weight of history.
- Midday: The heat starts to get real. You are now a sweaty, slightly delirious mess. Find some shade. Drink more water. Contemplate the sheer absurdity of climbing a mountain during the hottest part of the day. Feel an overwhelming urge to lie down and not move for several hours. This is when you discover the true meaning of "patience" (and the effectiveness of a good fan).
- Afternoon: After surviving the fort and a potential heatstroke situation, find a cool cafe. Now, this is a good moment to reflect on how much you've learned about yourself today. (That is, you're slightly more resilient than you thought.)
- Evening: Head back to the bazaar. This time, with a slightly better understanding of the lay of the land. Find a place to eat dinner. This is when you face your fears, and the buffet, and find the best butter chicken you have ever tasted.
Day 3: Tomb Time and My Sudden Obsession With Laundry
- Morning: Visit the Tomb of Ghaus Mohammed. It's beautiful, the kind of place that whispers of quiet contemplation… that is, until a gaggle of giggling school children decide to take a selfie with you. Roll with it. Embrace the chaos. The children are adorable, and the light is good.
- Midday: Laundry time. Find a local laundry service (they are practically everywhere). Trust them with your clothes. Let them wash them. Because you are traveling and the idea of hand washing is dreadful. This is when your life will come together. And you will have clean clothes.
- Afternoon: Head to a local market. It is not for the faint of heart. It's a frenzy of hawkers, shoppers, and the general hustle and bustle of daily life. Don't be afraid to haggle – they expect it. Stock up on souvenirs. Buy way too many spices. Get lost. Again.
- Evening: Back to the Bazaar. Seek out a rooftop restaurant with some actual views. Sip a cold drink. Watch the sun set over the city. Reflect on the day’s adventures. Realize you are starting to embrace the glorious mess of it all.
Day 4: Unexpected Detours and the Persistent Mystery of the Hotel's WiFi
- Morning: Take a day trip to a nearby village. Get a driver (negotiate! Negotiate!). Let him decide where to go. Accept whatever happens with a shrug. The best experiences are usually the unplanned ones. Experience the real India. Get lost. Meet people.
- Afternoon: Discover lunch. Eat it. Learn even more about India by the minute.
- Late Afternoon: Try to go back to the hotel. Maybe watch a movie. The WiFi is still dodgy. This is when you reflect on how much you need to be present.
- Evening: Go to the restaurant. Maybe the restaurant will be open. Try some local dinner. Complain about the WiFi.
Day 5: Departure and the Lingering Smell of Spices
- Morning: One last, lingering look at the city. Say goodbye to your room, the kind of room that you can see yourself coming back to. (Or, more likely, never want to see again). Grab one last chai. Say goodbye until next time.
- Midday: Head to the airport. Your luggage will be a chaotic medley of souvenirs, spices, and probably a few mysteriously stained items of clothing. You'll smell of spices. You'll feel a bit exhausted. Your head will be spinning with a million memories. You'll already be planning your next adventure.
This is Gwalior, folks. It’s not perfect, it’s not always easy, but it's undoubtedly an experience. Embrace the mess, the unexpected detours, and the general beautiful chaos. And for the love of all that is holy, drink enough water. Bon voyage!
Netflix Binge in Karlsruhe? Studio Fayence - EMMA Awaits!
So, like, what *is* this thing anyway? I'm confused. Honestly.
Right, okay, good question. I was kinda hoping you wouldn't ask that *so* soon. See, it's like... imagine a mental scrapbook, but instead of glitter and magazine cutouts, it’s just a bunch of rambling thoughts and poorly-formed opinions bouncing around inside my head. And, uh, I'm letting you peek. Mostly because I'm procrastinating on, you know, *actual* work. (Don't tell the boss!)
Okay, but seriously, what *are* you even trying to *do* here?
Good question! Probably to avoid real life duties. No wait, I'm supposed to be answering you, aren't I. Well, I’m trying to… well, I’m trying to NOT be boring. Look, some people are just inherently boring, right? Their lives… their conversations… yawn-inducing. And I’m *desperate* not to be one of those people. So, I guess I'm aiming for… something. Maybe an attempt to explain something, I'm not sure. More like, an expression of this chaotic thought process. I have no idea. I'm shooting from the hip, baby! Let’s get it done.
Do you even know what you're talking about?
Honestly? Mostly, no. But isn't that the beauty of it? The glorious, flailing, 'I-have-no-idea-what-I'm-doing' beauty of being human? I'm just spitballing here. And sometimes, just sometimes, something… interesting… emerges. Maybe. Don't quote me on that. I might just be full of it. Okay, I *probably* am. But hey, at least it’s *my* “it”.
Are you going to be *useful*? Like, give actual answers?
Look, I *try*. There might be a nugget of something resembling practical information in here somewhere. Maybe. But probably not. Think of it as a treasure hunt. The treasure is... uh... the process of searching? Yeah, that's it. Don't expect gold, folks. Expect maybe a slightly tarnished copper coin. Or a rubber band. Depends on the day. Also, I'm easily distracted. And I have a goldfish-like attention span. Oops, what was the question? Ah yes, useful. Probably not. But! Fun! Maybe. Hopefully. Pray for fun, people.
What's the deal with the stream-of-consciousness thing? Is that... intentional?
Intentional? Oh, honey, if I could be that *organized*, this whole thing would be shockingly different. I'm pretty sure my brain *is* a stream of consciousness. It's like a river, but instead of water, it's just random thoughts, half-baked ideas, and the persistent urge to eat a donut. And so, yeah, it's intentional…ish. Or rather, it's the best I can do without, you know, actually thinking. I’d have to get out of bed. That's an act of heroism in itself.
Okay, fine. So, if I *do* find something useful, what then?
Well, congratulations! You’ve braved the wilderness and found a tiny, glittering shard of usefulness! Reward yourself. Maybe with a cookie. Or maybe just by patting yourself on the back. You deserve it. And by all means, please, tell me what you found. Maybe I can learn something. (Doubtful, but hey! Never hurts to try.)
What about, like, technical issues? What if I get frustrated?
Frustration is a given, my friend. Accept it. Embrace it. Curse at the screen if you must. It’s allowed. I get frustrated just *writing* this. Think of it as a bonding experience! But if you *really* get stuck... well, try clicking the refresh button. Maybe there's an answer hiding in the chaos. Or, and this is a real possibility, the whole thing is just broken. In which case, feel free to... I don't know, go outside? Touch grass? The world is a wondrous thing, even if this, right here, isn't.
So is this like, a hobby for you?
A hobby? I wish! It's more like a compulsion. A need to… I don’t know, release the kraken of random thoughts that inhabit my brain. It's like a sneeze, a giant mental sneeze, and you just gotta let it rip to feel better. I spend more time thinking *about* writing than I actually do *writing*. I think about writing when I'm eating cereal, when I'm stuck in traffic, when I *should* be working. I'm always thinking about writing. So yeah. It's a hobby that's slowly eating my soul.
Can I ask *you* a question?
Sure, knock yourself out! But fair warning: I can't guarantee I'll have an answer. Or a good one. Or even a remotely relevant one. But feel free to try. The more questions, the more I can procrastinate do my work! Just don't expect too much. And definitely don't expect me to remember what we were even talking about five minutes from now. Seriously. My memory is Swiss cheese.
What's the absolute *worst* part of all of this?
Hmmm... The *worst* part? Probably the staring-at-a-blank-screen agonizing for hours. I'm not even sure what's worse, the staring or realizing that you've been staring at a blank screen for an hour and haven't written a single word. The self-doubt! The crushing realization that you're probably not as clever as you think you are! The fear that your brain is just… broken? Definitely that last one. Also the relentless inner criticWhere To Sleep In
